Hello Invisible Audience,
I am writing to you from Puerto Escondido, Mexico, a surf town on the Oaxacan coast with a lot of very large waves and some killer humidity this time of year.
The last time I was here was in 2011, the second and last summer I house-sat some family friends’ winter home for the summer and took care of their lovely dog, Rueben.
A lot has changed since then, both in the town and for me. Not everyone follows my blog, and even if they did I haven’t been updating it much in the past several years anyway, so here’s a short summary of some of the many changes:
When I left here in 2011, I went home and published my second wine-pairing cookbook: Savoring Leavenworth. Then I spent about a year trying to promote that book and my first one: Savoring Chelan: Pairing Local Wines with Regional Recipes.
Then I moved to Panama. I planned to be there for six months and stayed for nearly two years. What took me there is a long story that involves a detour to an ashram in Canada; if you want to hear more about the time before and during my time in Panama, you really should go back and read some old posts from my blog.
In 2014, I moved back to the States, first very, very briefly to Southern California, then to Leavenworth, a Bavarian-themed village in the foothills of the Cascade Mountains in Washington State. That’s where I’ve been ever since. I self-published a book on marketing and a travel memoir. I started a business teaching private Spanish classes to kids and adults.
When the Covid-19 pandemic hit, I was really, really relieved. I was exhausted and not sure if I wanted to continue on with what I had built in Leavenworth, both in terms of a business and also in terms of a life. I’m still not sure. Part of my reason for coming to Mexico was to seek some clarity about these things. I’ve been here almost three weeks and I don’t have any yet.
But being here has already cleared some of the gunk out of my head, and I managed to finish the second draft of a book I first got the idea for 14 years ago—while I was backpacking through Australia.
Do you see a theme here, Invisible Audience? Yes, when I’m abroad I can write much more easily than when I’m not. I have more headspace when I am not feeling overwhelmed by the U.S. culture and fighting not to internalize the need to be what I feel like it demands of me, an almost-40-year-old woman: graceful aging; being settled and content; thinness and in-shape-ness without effort; meaningful relationships without struggle; expensive toys or costly homes without sacrifice. Perfect health without adequate health insurance. Assertiveness without aggression or shame or backpedaling.
I’ll be 40 in September, Invisible Audience, and I don’t have any fucking clue what the next year will bring or where I will be living or how I will be spending my days a year from now. And you know what? I’m less freaked out about that than you would think. I’m more grateful that there are options for change than the promise—threat, really—that everything will stay the same.
So welcome back to my inner thoughts and physical travels. Thanks for being a part of my Invisible Audience, and I hope to see you back here soon.
Love and I’m Pretty Sure Change is Good Kisses,
Morgan
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